HOW MOTIVATIONS WORK AND HOW TO PROPERLY UTILIZE THEM
In my previous article, I gave an explanation of the horse.
And the whip and how the horse would always avoid the whip and it would Yearn for the carrot. Now the difficulty that comes in here is that all humans and animals alike have what’s called a negativity bias and this means that if a human or animal perceive that there’s going to be some kind of potential survival threat it’s that there going to prioritize that negative stimulus over some potential positive outcome over here, so let’s say that I’m a file and my ideal food source is right there but there’s also a shared winning nearby.
What I’m going to do as a fish with that negativity bias is that I’m going to prioritize safety and get swat from that Shark and maybe I’ll try to find food elsewhere even it it’s not as good as the food that’s here and that works perfectly well and good in the animal kingdom, Now we have a bet human problem with this because human beings have this great intellect and we can project things out really well and this is what allows us to be very imaginative and create civilization and these other things but it also enables is to project sharks in situations where they’re not any sharks and this puts us into a situation where we end up living only by our whips and not by our carrots. And when we become so unaware of our carrots, they of course becomes dark motivations.
Now I want you to pause and think about what percentage of your motivations comes from seeing out your carrots and what percentage of your motivations comes from trying to avoid a whip and this also about the emotions that are coming behind that, why Is your emotional carrot and what is your emotional whips at any given time, so think about the ratio of whips to carrot In your life.
Alright so this is one of the highest indicators of when a person has quality of life is, of they have mostly carrot. Chances are they’re going to be living a pretty happy life, whereas if they live mostly By whips, it’s going to obviously create a lot of problems, because you’re going to spend a lot of times afraid running away from things as opposed to really embracing things, so ideally you want to get into a situation where you have 95 percent of your motivations coming from carrot and only 5% of your motivations coming from whips, whips should really only come up if you’re genuinely fairing a dangerous situation but of course that’s easier said that done especially when we have a lot of shadow motivations.
So let’s go ahead and dig right into what shadow motivations are, in the nut shell, shadow motivations are motivations that we’re not aware that we have and so give that were going to be talking about shadow motivations.
I want to talk a bit about the shadow so a lot of people think that the shadow is a singularity that exist in the unconscious mind where all of the negative traits go and all of the unwanted traits go but this isn’t exactly the most helpful way to think about the shadow, you ultimately want to think of the shadow as more of a place than the actual singularity, it’s a place where we stick all of the aspects of ourselves that we don’t want.
Now when it comes to those aspects of ourselves there’s no just singular disembodied traits that are put back there, they’re more like parts of a personality so if you can imagine that a part of you gets spilled off and it becomes it’s own little mini individual and you know it ends up being in the space of the shadow find the space where the lights of consciousness doesn’t shine that’s a lot more accurate to thinking about how the peculiarities of the shadow works, so you want to think about the shadow and all these aspects of the shadow as being mini personalities that are also you that have their own wants and needs, fears, Agendas, wisdom and memories just like an average human being would.
So what we have is we have our conscious consensus personality and then we have parts of our self that gets split off that are just as much as individual that ends up in the shadow consensus personality that are not aware of them and you want to think of these mini personalities like their own people that can actually interact with one another and the consensus personality as another person would.
So the shadow is more like an unconscious community of personalities that are only vaguely aware of one another that often times clash needs and agendas and what I mean by clashing Needs and agendas is that they can have different carrots and different whips and a carrot for just one shadow aspects could be a whip for another and the reason why this happens is because they’re disintegrated from the whole, they don’t share one singular motivations like the consensus personality does.
And the consensus personality is actually integrated In large Degrees, so it’s the shadow part that can want to go this way and what to go this way and the consensus personality wants to go that way, so of course the shadow aspects of mini personalities have their own agendas and motivations these are shadow motivations that by and large the consensus personality, the ego doesn’t really know about.
Now the ultimate goal here with all shadow work is to get all of these aspects to come back into the ego container and to come back together as one, so that all your energy is moving in the same direction and a big part of this is being able to pin pint that shadow motivations and follow them down to their core, so that we can accomplish for all of our aspects consensusly but when we have this part that are split off and have different whips and different carrots, what ends up happening is that we often end up in resistance, procrastination and other self sabotaging Behaviours, where we’re trying to distract ourselves from some outcomes that we think we want or we just feel this sense of “oh I really want to do this” but something is really preventing me from doing it.
And so I’ll give a quick example of how a shadow motivation might come up, so let’s say that there’s someone staying at a job that they hate but it’s not motivated by the direct financial and stability related consequences it’s not trying to get away from those.
It’s a person and they’re like I really hate this job but I feel for some reason, I like I can’t leave so this is a classic example of shadow motivations because they’re but aware of what’s actually keeping them there or what’s keeping them from actually moving on.
Now let’s say that the same person had a dad with really solid ideas around what me and to be a good person and that was tied directly in with work ethics and this ideas that if you quit, of you actually move on and you make that change them that would mean something negative in the father’s eyes, that would mean that you’re a loser, that would mean that you failed in some way that would mean that you don’t have the good work ethics you don’t have good characters and of course the emotions on the other side of that would be this feeling of lost of connection with the dad or the feeling of worthlessness and so if you follow the symptoms of keeping the crappy job and then you go down all the way to “don’t disappoint dad” it’s like why wouldn’t you want to disappoint dad and it’s because you really want support and connection and Love, so if you were able to find a way to get that support, connection and love either by reparenting yourself or maybe find a mentor figure that had different values that’s more accepting.
Then that’s probably going to meet that parts needs, so that it doesn’t need to hold on to the crappy job as much, so this is how you turn an unconscious shadow motivations into a conscious motivation and when you can do this with all aspects start figuring out which direction you actually authenticate want to go in and at that point all of your energy starts moving in the same direction as opposed to your conscious personality trying to go this way and this shadow aspects trying to go that way and this shadow aspects trying to go that way and creating the dense of grid lock and the sense of “oh I don’t know why I can’t move forward with my goals, why do I keep self-sabotaging, why do I keep procrastinating, why do I keep avoiding.
So here’s a quick list of steps on how to become conscious of shadow motivations and then to actually turn then into conscious motivation, so the very first thing you want to do is you want to take inventory of your whips you have to figure out what it is that you’re trying to avoid quite a lot because it’s often our whips that makes us lose sight of our carrots because we become so focused on our whips that negatively bias is going to bring is our focus only there and at that point our life becomes purely motivated by fear and avoiding some other outcomes and we start to lose sight of our authenticity.
Worthleness and this feeling of desire and so this person feels the weight of those emotions but they don’t necessarily consciously know why it’s so hard to leave their job, they just there and they’re like “oh I feel I can’t leave and it’s because of all these heat emotions that were internalized, beside the value of that were internalized from the father and maybe that person didn’t even realize that they internalized those values from the father maybe consciously they even rebelled against them, there’s just the part inside them, the shadow aspects that’s the “let’s please dad” aspect or the don’t disappoint dad aspect, that’s like “oh we can’t leave this job, otherwise that means X, Y, Z about us and that means we’re going to feel this way and this was that we really don’t want to fell and so this example, a person feels the long emotional whip but they don’t really knew what the whip is they couldn’t name it by name, they just know they’re trying to avoid something, so if a person is going to be working through this shadow motivations and they were going to be pinpointing their shadow aspects.
They don’t disappoint dad aspect might first have the name of “keeping the crappy job aspect because that would be the real why that the way that the person relates to that part of himself the most because it’s like its that part that really wants to keep this job, when that’s not actually very true.
What it really wants is not to disappoint the dad because it’s afraid of this and this emotion, that it would get on the other end of it and so when it comes to becoming aware of an integrating shadow aspects and their and their motivations what happens is that you can actually follow the symptoms all the way down to the not.
And you can find what that part really need, so that way you don’t have to go keep the crappy job, to give that person what it thinks it Needs you can give it what it actually needs and that frees up that part to actually let you move on from the job.