HOW DO YOU STOP REPRESSING YOUR ANGER AND CONTROL IT.
Alright, so this article is about repressed anger and this is a topic that I actually have
played with a lot of experience with, so I’m going to give first your personal anecdote and so I’m going to talk a little bit about how, anger works in general when we repress it, and in the end I’m going to be talking about how to sort of integrate your anger response and to be able to accept them better.
Mine is that all the way to elementary school and 6-7 years I was made fun of quite a lot, like it was an everyday occurrence and sometimes it was very intense, including I’ll remember in the 7th grade, it got really intense to the point where I had gum put in my hair like 3 times in 1 weeks and I think the radon why I was the target for so much bulling was the fact that I was very eccentric, I responded in a different way and I think that most people would have to bullying and so I was also very sensitive and so when someone would actually go and make fun of me or ridicule me in some way, it was really clear that I was having a response to it, and I think ultimately that’s what they were looking for, they were looking for somebody that they could easily get under, that person’s skin and the was totally me 100% you know and even when I was like in the early elementary school, I would cry and sometimes I would even try to like almost in a sense of bully them back and it would kind out as really pathetic because I didn’t have any practice doing that, like I wasn’t the type of go around messing with people and so I didn’t have any insult in my back pockets and I didn’t really have the Ability to conjure up anger response, that I felt comfortable with actually putting towards them cause I would always feel bad.
And then after I would do it, like someone would call me a mean name and I would call them a mean name back and then I’ll feel bad and start back tracking on it. And so everytime, I would respond, in a way I would always end up regretting it afterwards because it was always something that led to me being made fun of more and embarrassing myself more in some ways and so when I was in the 7th grade when a lot of things started to open up for me, when I was 12 and I hit puberty, there was like a natural expansion in consciousness and I started to focus more on identity building and so when I stated to think about who I wanted to model my identity after, of course, the first person that cane up was my dad and was a really laid back person and like it someone was to do someth8y really terrible to him, his response to that would be to shrug it off and then I also moved like different people who where like this, who seemed not to be bothered by the really terrible things can be happening and they still sort of keep their zen or even more like pop culture examples like the laid back surgery guy who’s like “oh that’s no problem dude” party on.
These things really spoke to me as a 12 year old, so this started to become something that I built my identify on and so for me I started to repress my anger and I felt that this was a pretty positive thing because I thought oh I’m being focus and laid back and I’m a cool chick.
And so I started to be able to sort of gain a little bit of what seemed like a self-esteem because I identified with this and it stared to work because the people who would ridicule me did so less because they realized I wasn’t going to give them the reaction that they were seeking.
And also I developed a really close friend group and I was that like the laid back ones and the ones that anybody could talk to because I was so chilled out and laid back and so I have like this whole identify built around not being angry ever and not feeling angry.
In fact I would even say “oh I never get angry, I just don’t do like it, it doesn’t happen, anger just doesn’t happen and so I had this idea, without myself for many years after that probably into until I was about 6, I was really adamant that I never felt anger.
So from a really formative age, I have this sort of infrared into my identify this idea that I don’t feel anger and you know when of course, that’s not true, everybody feels anger, it’s a natural emotion, it’s one of our core emotions and it serves a purpose, but the problems is that I have this idea programmed into me from very young and I have a lot of feeling and insecurities around showing my anger and so it becomes very different for me even today to be able to express my anger fully because it also makes me feel that powerless that I felt as a child because I wasn’t really able to sustain a lot worse, and so that’s why I’m writing this article because I’m assuming that a lot of people are probably dealing with the same repressed anger, so I think it’s really important to understand the role of that anger actually plays and the fact that anger does exist for a particular reason, no matter how enlightened we get, anger will always be an emotion that comes up it’s just really and how you respond to your anger and how aware you are of your anger that’s going to determine whether it yield positive or negative results.
And so the reason why angry exist is because it give us the energy and ownership to really push back on the status quo and if we see anything that’s going on that’s wrong either for us or against us, we can say “hey that’s not okay” “this needs to stop haooening”
And that’s the while purpose for anger, but if we don’t feel like we can express our anger properly in a way that’s constructive, what would happen is that people would continue to go over out boundaries and the unjust they’ve that we see, are the things that we feel strongly about like if we see somebody being picked on and you won’t do anything because you believe things would work themselves out, and so I can recall many times where things would happen to me that I didn’t like and I didn’t push back oh and I can recall times that I essentially turned into this reality but such a good friend or not such a good person in that I would just allow, bad things to happen because I thought that being angry is wrong and being anything less than a positivist is also wrong and so I need to just let everything happen and it something negative happening well you know what I’m still a hero because I’m a very laud back person and I’m a nice person, and so from this you can also see the shadow dude if being laid back and easy going is that these people sometimes cab take that too far and turn that into a rule and then fail to actually push back on things that needs to be pushed back on.
But another issue with suppressing and regretting your able response is that, it doesn’t go away when you do that, it just gets relegated to the shadow and so whenever somebody is coming at you and you sense that they’re trying to attack you, it will happen as an anger response would naturally come up to the perceived injustice about that and so if our anger response is healthy what well do is we’ll use that anger say no you need to stop right there, there are my boundaries, don’t go there or if you see something negative happening to somebody else, we cab say hey stop going that it hurts that person or we need to take some other actions to stop those things from happening, but why we look upon our anger response as bad or as something that we should habit or something that makes us good, what’s going to happen is we’re going to suppress that feeling of oh I need to do something about this and then what would happen is well fuel that anger response happening and then that person would go ahead and go over our boundaries anyway, and so we’ve had that anger and we’ve suppressed it.
So now it’s turned more towards ourself and it’s especially turned inward towards ourselves because we fail to protect ourselves and so we would naturally get angry at ourselves because we weren’t able to actually stop the thing from happening that we wanted to have to stop happening and so it becomes this double me, so now you have this pain that’s being caused by this other person and this other force going in and “attacking” you going over your boundaries.
And then you’re also angry at yourself for failing to protect yourself or even someone else in that situation and then to add a whole other layer on top of that, now because we’re I’m the habit of invalidity our anger, we feel that anger towards ourselves and anger towards the situation, we’ll get even more mattered at ourselves for feeling more angry at ourselves afterwards as well, and so it becomes this huge situation where anger compounds anger, and it’s all repressed it doesn’t really have anywhere to go and so we’re left with this really frustrated kind of feeling and that’s what the frustration is that the anger that can’t really go anywhere, it’s anger that we’ve stuck with and we have to swallow it and there’s no possible outlet for it and nowhere to resolve it.
So anger that’s not allowed to be essential becomes frustration and frustration must ends up at the back of us, we end up feeling frustrated at ourselves for not being able to change the status quo. Now a lot of people might wonder well If I’m angry and I just go yelling at people and expressing my anger that can cause a lot of problems and it’s time that if you’re angry it can get out of control sometimes, where we yell at people and we sat things that we don’t mean but there are other healthier ways to actually express our anger, for the first thing to realize is that expressions and awareness are two totally different things like for example we can feel anger and we can realize that we feel anger and not feel bad about it at that point we can actually choose to express that in a way that’s more healthy like say “hey that’s not okay what you did” as opposed to “oh my God you’re a horrible person and a lot of verbal abuse, so that would be a negative way to express anger but if we don’t allow ourselves to recognize that we’re feeling angry or we feel bad everytime we feel anger.
What’s going to happen is that we can never really get to a point where we can become conscious bought to respond to it in such a way that’s constructive and productive, so the first thing to do is to practice becoming aware first and then from there, you can actually develop the ability to respond in healthy ways to that anger, so think of these two totally different things, which are the awareness of anger and the actual expression of it.
So that’s it for this article, I hope you find it very useful.